Wallpaper How-To Tip Two:

Send husband away. As far as possible for as long as possible.

The best news so far about my years-late wallpaper job is that my sweetheart is far too busy to help.

I love him dearly, but we have both learned from hard experience and tears that we are not well suited to working together on decorating jobs and home improvement projects. It's a disappointment to my mother who judges the compatibility of a couple by their ability to install wallpaper together. Well, we're not putting up wallpaper, I'm taking it down. Slowly. Painfully.

When the 'knob and tube' wiring needed replaced, I went shopping. When I began the first of two bathroom re-dos, Sweetie wisely grabbed his fishing rod and vanished.

It's a smart move all around, since if he's not bodily in the house, I can let my projects become messy and disjointed, and don't feel I have to sweep up every ten minutes or keep the tools organised. There are scary repercussions that come with seemingly innocent questions like, "Do you know where the scissors might be?" While questions about the location of scissors might seem innocuous, girls know it's all about the tone. You know the one. The words might be about scissors, but buried in the dreaded tone are the implications about who's an idiot and why did I let you talk me into this project in the first place.

Best to work alone, not only to avoid battles over technique and helpfulness, but also because if I'm alone, we don't have to argue about whether 80s music is really crap or if baroque is the way to go. We both know who's right on that one, don't we?