January 27, 2010-Unfriendly

There was a time I felt like Facebook was the be-all and end-all of keeping in touch. I loved being able to see my friends’ vacation photos without the pesky boredom of having to sit beside them and hear all about the trip. I loved being able to know what they’re doing, finding out when I had the time to do it. I loved being able to let them know what I’m up to. It’s also great if you need to stick your fingers into the network for help. I have to say it was pretty cool to be able to hook up one of my buddies with a side of beef they’d been thinking about buying when I accidentally bought two. (don’t ask…) But I’m starting to think that maybe there should be a new word for friend.

I know, there are security settings on facebook, and I can choose to limit certain people’s access, but it’s a bit cumbersome and tedious, and it seems to me it would be so much better if there were categories in addition to friend. You could start with:

Acquaintance: person you just met at a party or on vacation, and you like them, but you don’t want to hear about every dinner they’ve ever made or have contemplated making. Depending on how friendly you were, they might get more access than, say,

Work friend: person you see every day, but don’t want seeing your bikini pictures from your vacation, because you’re not that close. You want to show them the sunshine azure sea, but not your tan lines, or lack thereof. Work friends, however would have different access than your

Boss: Flattering shots only, and high profile when people say you look great, are nice and fabulous. Also would not keep track of times when you’re on the time-sucking facebook, either. Bosses would be a bit like a

Former friend: Only show the stuff that makes me look fabulous, and accomplished and happier than you, which is less access than a

Friend from a long time ago: Above, but with special emphasis on fabulous, in case they are in touch with the lout who broke your heart in third year, and who, I’m told is now bald! Ha ha! There should of course, be special access for

Child and stepchild and children of friends: For safety, parents should have access to all messages, until the kid is a certain age. It would be damn inconvenient for the little darlings to gather for a rave if their mommies show up to save them, now, wouldn’t it? Children should perhaps not know their parents have such access or there would be no facebook. After the kids, there’s the

Semi-friendly extended family: Pretty much same as co-worker, I’m thinking. And then the

Best friend: You know, I do want to know that you’re contemplating a gin and tonic before dinner. I genuinely care about this, and might even join you. Further, since you were likely with me on the vacation, go ahead and look at the bikini shots, and make all the silly comments you want. As a matter of fact, come on over and I’ll show you in person! The gin’s in the freezer- help yourself.