Here's my step-by-step guide to a job I really should have done when we moved into our house eight years ago:
Decide to finally tackle that long overdue job.
Check 'paint corner' in basement for supplies.
Spend nine hours tidying basement when rags, brushes, trays can't be located.
Go online to see who sells Martha Stewart paint these days.
Express disappointment to clerk at Home Depot that colours chosen eight years ago are no longer available.
Spend nine hours tidying filing cabinet when original paint chips cannot be located.
Locate paint chips in obscure corner of spare bedroom closet.
Also locate magazine clippings with pictures of 'dream' kitchen.
Dream.
Spend two hours tidying spare bedroom closet, trying on fancy dresses and wedding dress. Decide whether to throw out pantsuit that hasn't been worn in four years.
Purchase paint, paint supplies. Thank clerk for special mixes of expired paint colours.
Spend one hour tidying shed after moving nearly every article to reach buried stepladder.
Spend one hour planting tulip bulbs discovered in obscure corner of shed.
Wrestle stepladder from shed to house.
Lift teeny corner of wallpaper, discover six layers of wallpaper underneath, some of them painted.
Despair.
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